Divorce

 

Divorce is becoming more common and widely accepted throughout the world today. A large part of this trend is due to the "no fault divorce law." This law was widely accepted by all fifty states in 1985. Once this was established it was a lot easier for a couple to get divorced, which greatly increased the divorce rate. Married couples who used to have to prove that their spouse was the "bad guy" and that there was a vital reason for divorce, now do not have anything at all to prove in order to end their marriage contract. 

Research has shown that divorce has numerous negative effects on the family as well as the community. The problems caused by divorce range from big to small in categories such as financial problems and emotional well being. Divorce is also very difficult on children. Children that are affected by divorce have lower self esteem, more physical and emotional problems, higher rates of substance abuse, lower levels of trust, and lower levels of marital commitment.

There are many resources to help families who are thinking about divorce and those who have already been affected by divorce. One of my favorite talks on this topic is by Elder Oaks. Here are a few quotes from his talked labeled "Divorce.":

"A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive toward perfection."

"You should do all within your power to preserve your marriage."

"All who have been through divorce know the pan and need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement."

"For most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance."

Parenting

 

"The purpose of parenting is to raise children in such a way that they will be able to positively contribute to society, the family, and the world."- In class discussion

Parenting is a gift and a sacred calling from God that can help each one of us progress and become even more like our own Heavenly parents. Because parenting is such a great responsibility, parents must work together, as well as with the Lord, in order in go about this sacred calling in a correct manner. 

Currently I am not a parent, but I am so looking forward to the joys and blessing parenthood can bring. I cannot wait to meet the special spirits that Heavenly Father will entrust with me. More than once I have heard the saying that we will learn more from our our children then we will from our own parents. I think that is so true and I am looking forward to learning and growing alongside with my future children.  

Family Work

There are many aspects of work that can been seen within a family. Usually one parent is the "bread winner" of the family and works in order to provide a living for their family. However, it has become more and more common in today's time that both parents go out of the house and into the work force. This common trend has had an enormous effect on the family. When both mothers and fathers are our working, their kids are left with a babysitter or at a daycare. Research has shown that excessive time away from parents has negative effects on children. If this is the case, then what can be done to fix the problem? 

It is important for parents to consider the well being of both them and their children when they are making the decision on who should work, one or both of the parents. Families with dual- working parents and ones with only one working parent can take initiative within their families to spend more time with their children. Family time is important to each member of the family and can be a great way to teach children correct principles.

Families can spend time doing wholesome activities like going to the park, playing board games, and sharing stories together and they can also work together side by side. Working together as a family is one of the greatest ways to bond as a family.

"Work builds and refines character, creates beauty, and is the instrument of our service to one another and to God." - Elder Christofferson

"Work together as a family, even if it may be faster and easier to do the job ourselves. Talk with our sons and daughters as we work together.” - Elder Robert D. Hales. 

"There is no substitute for work. Building a strong family takes hard work, and part of that work is teaching our children how to work. Though some may see work as something to avoid, the gospel teaches that working for and with our families brings great blessings. God Himself calls His plan for His children 'my work and my glory' (Moses 1:39)." - lds.org

The Council Method

"Councils should discuss objectives and concerns, with mutual understanding, being the ultimate goal." 

              -Elder Ballard, October 1993, General Conference 

The council method is a great way to work together and find a solution that will meet the needs of the whole group involved.  In order to practice this method effectively several steps should be followed:

1. Focus on fundamentals- in a world that is filled with sin, conflict, and confusion, we can find peace and safety in knowing and living the revealed truths of the gospel. 

2. Focus on people- confidentiality is critical. 

3. Promote free and open expression.

4. Participation is a privilege.

5. Lead with love- leadership based on love brings incredible power. 

This process not only can be used in a church council; it can also be very effective within the walls of the home. When the council method is used as a family, family members will be able have better understanding of one another and become closer as a family unit.

 Family Crisis

Last week in class we talked about crises; types of stressors, how they affect the family, and how we can overcome them.

Each family will experience some type of stressor during their lifetime. These stressors come about in different ways and can be both positive and negative. Listed below are several types of stressor events:

Types of Stressor Events

• Internal: Events that take place within the family. Ex: Suicide, abuse, divorce. 
• External: Events that begin outside of the family. Ex: natural disasters, terrorism. 
• Ambiguous: Events that are unclear and facts are not available. Ex: family member has been sick for months but doctor's do not know what the problem is.
• Non ambiguous: Events that are clear and facts are available. Ex: Family member is diagnosed with asthma. Doctor's prescribe medication to keep the asthma under control.
• Volitional: Events that are wanted and sought out. Ex: a new job, going to college.
• Non volitional: Events that are not sought out but just happen. Ex: getting fired from a job

Stressors come in all shapes and sizes and affect each family in a different way. Most stressors that we hear about are negative ones that often times separate families. However, this is not true in all cases. Some stressors can influence a family in a positive way and even bring them closer together. If this is true, then what determines whether a stressor is positive or negative? The answer is the family's perception of the situation. 

In order to overcome the crises that we will come into our lives we can turn our Heavenly Father and our loved ones for guidance and support.

 “My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.”

                                                                         - President Thomas S. Monson

 

The Birds and The Bees 

Every parent should realize that there will come a time, probably sooner than they except, when they will need to talk to their children about sex. This talk could be a little uncomfortable for both parents and children at first, but well worth the few awkward moments. However, in order to ensure the "the birds and the bees talk" goes smoothly, there are certain things that parents should and should not do. 

Don't:
1.  Tell your children that sex is bad

2. Teach plumbing lessons

3. Use improper names for body parts

4. Be ashamed

5. Leave it up to someone else to talk to your kids

6. Shut down

Do:

1. Talk to your children openly

2. Be your child's source of knowledge

3. Talk to your children together and husband and wife

4. Make sure "the talk" is not negative

5. Answer questions

6. Don't have "the talk"; be talking the whole time

I hope these few tips will be helpful when talking to your children about sex. It is so important that parents step up to the plate and inform their children on such a special and sacred topic. If parents don't, someone else will!

Wedding bells are in the air

This week in class we talked more about relationships and marriage. One point that I really liked was that however people start their relationship is usually how their relationship will continue. I never really thought very much about this concept but I definitely believe that it is true. I have observed many relationships and have noticed the good patterns in successful marriages have started long before these couples were married, during the time that they were dating. So remember that when you start dating someone be sure to start off on a good note, because research shows that is how the relationship will continue.

We also had a conversation about weddings, including the actual wedding ceremony and reception. We talked about how to make a wedding more focused on the actual couple and not so much on the festivities. This also tied in with another point that was made, in that we should plan for marriage not the wedding. Too many times people make such a big deal planing the wedding and forget to focus on what will happen after the wedding when real life sets in again.